Beard Advice & Products From an Expert

ORIGINAL POST JUNE 16, 2016

My husband is a beard expert. When he gets into something (i.e camping, power tools, beard maintenance) he really goes all in. He reads articles, online reviews, and scours the internet for any available information. My friend's husband needed some beard advice and obviously went to my bearded beau for help. I've held onto this email for nearly 2 years. I don't know why, I just thought it was too funny to get rid of. But now that I'm blogging more, what better way to "hold" onto it than to turn it into a post. So behold, a hilarious email from my manly lumbersexual husband with expert beard advice and products:

Hey,

Thank god you contacted me. With winter around the corner, there's no time to lose. We must get preparations in order before your home life is ruined by an improperly cared for beard.

First, if you don't already have one, it's imperative you get yourself a boar hair brush. The coarse bristles will help to naturally soften your beard by releasing your face's natural oils along with influencing the hair growth direction as you brush it. I recommend a quick brushing in the morning before work, followed by a thorough ritual when you get home in the evening. DO NOT purchase the "Diane" brand, It will feel like steel wire cutting into your flesh. I recommend the Brush Strokes Military Style Bristle Brush. 

 Next, you're also going to need a nice balm to soften the hair. Comb it in and wear it throughout the day. After your morning brush, comb this balm into your beard just before you leave. It's best to work it in with your fingers, then finish with a nice fine tooth comb. A little goes a long way. DON'T over apply or it will feel like grease. For this, I trust the Amish...they know beards, Heavy Duty Beard Balm.

Don't get a wax, that's purely for styling and let's be honest, you're just not ready for that yet.

The comb isn't as important, you can choose your own, but make sure it's a very fine tooth one for distributing the balm throughout your beard. Kent is a good brand.

Cleaning...not only should you worry about softening and grooming, but improper cleaning can end your beard life if you're using inferior products. Think the crap you put on your head will shampoo your beard just the same? Are you INSANE?!! You need something with additional softening properties for your beard. Facial hair is extremely course so everything you apply to it is specifically made to combat that issue. For shampoo, I listen to the folks at Beardsley and their Ultra Beard Shampoo.

Not only is it an extremely powerful shampoo that aids in softening the hair, it tastes like delicious cantaloupe if any gets in your mouth. The conditioner is not as tasty.

Good luck and God speed.

-Josh-

In Summation: Mama like.